You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
