a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
