Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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