Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
