Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
