Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
