maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize