You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
