I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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