I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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