as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
