its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
