Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
