so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
