I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
