I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
