I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
