JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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