Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
