Got a toothbrush?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
