Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
