every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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