I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize