when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
