If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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