her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
