why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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