This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
