Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
birth control should be required to get into college
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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