If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize