mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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