3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize