I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
