i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
