Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
