??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
