i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
