"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How external is "for external use only"?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
