hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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