Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize