Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
