porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How external is "for external use only"?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
