Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
