So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
