At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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