Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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