WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
