Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
this hospital has no fireball
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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