I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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