So drunk its hurt
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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