You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
