I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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