I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
