She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
