you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize