In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
