His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize