im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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