I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
