opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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