Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
