Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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