Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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