is your mom at the bar?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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