This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
