Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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