I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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