Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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