please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
