Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
